Tough Questions: Where Do I Belong?
What is the opposite of ‘feeling lonely’? I don’t actually think there is a true antonym for this feeling. The closest word I could come up with is ‘belonging.’ All people feel a need to belong. From the very beginning, God said, “It is not good for man to alone.” He created Eve for Adam, and Adam for Eve. He told them to have children, to create communities. Feeling lonely is never a positive emotion. It is always negative. But what a joy it is to feel like I belong somewhere. Some of my fondest memories are ones where my friends were just hanging out in the dorms. We weren’t doing anything exciting. No reality-tv producer would want to film us. We would just be studying together or watching tv, or arguing over what the Green Bay Packers needed to do in the offseason to improve as a team. But it felt good to belong to that group of friends.
This need to be a part of a community is a good thing. It drives us to reach out, seek guidance, and give encouragement. However, this desire to belong can also lead to many temptations. The Devil is very good at what he does. He takes something that looks and feels good and turns it into something evil.
For instance – It’s the first week of high school. A young person is trying everything in his power to just be normal and fit in. He doesn’t want to stand out, and yet he also wants to belong, to have friends. Satan sees this as an opening. He whispers to this young man, “If you want to belong, you’ll have to cast off your confirmation faith, or at the very least, hide it from others. Faith is a private matter. You don’t want to be one of the religious weirdos, do you?” And so, he gradually stops acting like and speaking like a follower of Christ. Eventually, ‘church’ becomes a politically-incorrect word that I must avoid in order to belong. ‘Jesus’ is just another teacher from a bygone era. And ‘the Bible’ is an arrogant book that pridefully states that it is the truth.
Perhaps you were this person. Surely you know fellow confirmands that fell for this temptation. And certainly, you yourself have been tempted by Satan to hide your faith. (I’m a pastor, and even I confess that I have hidden my faith in order ‘to belong.’)
Like with every sin and temptation, we turn to God for help. What does he tell us about loneliness and belonging? First, he tells us that he is a “jealous God” (Ex. 20:5). He rightly demands that we worship only him and follow his commands. Every time you hide your faith or disregard his path, you are telling God that you don’t want him or need him. The first and simplest command “love the Lord your God” is also the hardest command for my sinful self to hear. I can do nothing else, other than fall at the foot of the cross, carrying my sins to Jesus' feet. It is there that you and I repent of our sins. It is there where we are faced with what our sins have earned, and it is there where you and I find forgiveness. The cross is God’s tool of mercy for the sinner. It is the engine of God’s love. Jesus died for all your sins, including the sin of hiding your faith. You are forgiven!
The Gospel of Christ doesn’t just forgive you, wash you, pat you on the head and send you on your way, though. It is also your power. The Holy Spirit uses the Gospel in Word and Sacrament to empower you to live a new life. It’s in the Gospel where I learn that I actually do ‘belong.’ I belong to God himself. I am his and he his mine. He made me his when I was baptized in his name. I belong to his Church. I belong to God’s family, which means I belong to my fellow brothers and sisters in the faith. We are not always a perfect acting family because we are still living in this sinful world. But we do have a perfect Savior, who cleanses us and presents us to God the Father as holy and righteous.
This is why communal worship is so important. In the worship service, I hear once again that I am a blood-bought child of God. I also interact with the family of believers that God has placed me in. You confess your sins together. You confess your faith using the Creeds together. You pray together. You partake of the Lord’s Supper together. You may not even know the name of the person sitting at the end of your pew, but they belong to you and you belong to them (By the way, wouldn’t it be nice if you introduced yourself to them?).
If you are an older Christian (and for our purposes here, I’ll put that age range as 22 and older), take it upon yourself to reach out those kids in middle school, high school, and college. Let them know that they belong. Share with them your own journey as you get to know them. Instead of asking “How are you doing?”, ask “How is your faith life doing?”
If you are a younger Christian, know that you do belong. You belong to Christ, your Savior and King. Being a Christian is not easy. Jesus never said that it would be. In fact, Jesus said that being a Christian would be hard and life-altering. The easy path is to hide your faith. It is easier to belong to this world. The Devil will entice you. He will put obstacles in your path. But your God is so much stronger than he is. God has given us weapons to defend ourselves from Satan and weapons to fight back. Those weapons may look a little unconventional (the means of Grace), but they are the power of the almighty God.
If you are a younger Christian who is suffering from loneliness, I also have some other tasks I want you to do. First, tell your parents. Sometimes they seem like they’re out of touch, but they probably went through some of the same things. Second, talk to your pastor. Pastors love to listen and talk. Third, set up a schedule of prayer and devotion time. Make it part of your routine. The more you are in God’s Word, the better. As you grow in your faith, you will be better prepared to dodge the attacks of Satan, and to take the battle to him as you share your faith with your friends. And fourth, go to Bible Study at your church. Not only does your faith grow as you dig into God’s Word, but you also grow in your relationships with fellow church members.
This life is not always rainbows and lollipops. Trouble is part of this life (thankfully God uses these troubles for the good of our salvation). And that includes loneliness. Everyone who has ever lived has felt lonely. From poorest to richest, from the most introvert to the most extreme extrovert, loneliness can cling to us like a dark shadow. Loneliness is part of this world because of sin. But there is a place where sin does not exist. It is a perfect place of peace and happiness. It is a place of true belonging. It is a place won for us by the cross and empty tomb of Jesus. In heaven, we will fully know what it means to belong to our God. I sure do look forward to that. Until then, cling to the sure hope of your salvation won for you by Jesus Christ, and look to him for your strength.
